vulnerability

My senior year of high school I took a studio art class, and for my final project I explored human vulnerability through a series of figurative sculptures. I was motivated by my family's experiences the previous year, when my mom's twelve year battle with breast cancer took a turn for the worst. It began to spread to other parts of her body, and she slowly became less mobile and less herself. That summer she passed away after about a month of being bedridden and confused.

During this time, I witnessed firsthand how susceptible the human body is to external dangers, and I realized how little control we have over what is going on inside of us. I also became acquainted with emotional helplessness and instability - some days I would feel oddly happy and hopeful; others, heartbroken.

Then in the weeks and months after her passing, I felt myself subconsciously cast an barrier around myself, that rendered me fairly numb to environmental fluctuations that would ordinarily yield emotional responses. Though it's been close to four years since my mom's death, I am still wrestling with this barrier.

I chose to display this image on the home page of this site because I think it reflects many experiences of college students. At this stage in our lives we are particularly vulnerable to physical, mental and emotional disturbances. However, we hide behind façades, and pretend that we are in control. I am very familiar with this tension - between outward exposure and an inward reluctance to admit to it or display it.

Through this post I hope to generate conversation about loss, pain, and/or mental health amongst college students. What is it about our environment that makes it so hard to admit to stress, sadness, or other forms of emotional discomfort? Have you ever experienced loss, in any form, and if so, how have you reacted to and coped with it?